The Sephi Classics Thread

[Hazy]

Looking back over at auld Gary's hysterical tumblr blog, I think we should keep track of all the joy he brings us.

Post anything he posts on tumblr, twitter, or GameFAQs that you think should be considered a Sephi classic. I'll start:

"So I bought tickets for Chelsea vs PSG on July 22, so I could see my beloved team Chelsea FC play. but now it turns out, I got tickets to see Zlatan Ibrahimovich, Fernando Torres, Eden Hazard, Thiago Silva Frank Lampard, John Terry, Ashley Cole, Juan Mata, and David Luiz all play on the same field…at the same time"





At least the United fan doesn't mention Gerrard and Lampard in the same breath as Xavi and Iniesta.



Happy hunting, lads.

[Darko Iulo]

One of my favourites was when I made a Disappointing players thread and said how Cassano had so much potential to be one of the greatest ever but he would rather get fat and angry.

Sephi said "don't call Cassano disappointing, he just won Milan the scudetto."

Yes the man that was signed in January, and couldn't even play a full 90 because he was too fat won Milan the trophy. It had nothing to do with Silva, Pirlo, Ibra, Robinho, Pato, Gattuso, Seedorf and Nesta who all had far better seasons.

[Hazy]

Was looking for some gems for this thread while we smoke out our new patio in Bath.

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[Gunner]

World class wingers like Mata and Hazard cant...and wont be limited to one side of the field.
I can picture Juan Mata playing on the right wing in a Hulk/Robben type role: cutting into the left and taking a shot. OR Hazard on the right wing just tearing things up while Mata tears it up on the left side. Heck, we can have Mata and Hazard play free role, while Marin/Ramires/Sturridge/Malouda just stick to one side of the field.

The skys the limit. We have 2 outstanding wingers. Thats reason enough to not care about the winger situation

Sturridge was a striker playing as a winger
Hazard/Marin are wingers who would be playing as a winger

Whats the problem?

The winger situation is fine. So many talented and versatile players on the field. Even Fernando Torres can play on the wing and let Sturridge/Lukaku come in to the striker position. There's literally no limit

Sephi applying Fifa logic to RL Football.

[tuna che culo]

>be on xbox live
>me, skoop, sephi, pedro i think probably a couple others
>talking about tv
>sephi lets slip he watched teletubbies regularly until he was like 16
>everyone laughs
>wait i mean 12
>everyone laughs
>wait i mean 8
>thats still pretty old
>which teletubby would you fuck seph?
>the baby sun
>wat

[Gunner]

Says Fabregas is not a product of Arsenal's academy.

Uses Lucas Piazon as an example for Chelsea's academy.


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[Sk00p]

>be on xbox live
>me, skoop, sephi, pedro i think probably a couple others
>talking about tv
>sephi lets slip he watched teletubbies regularly until he was like 16
>everyone laughs
>wait i mean 12
>everyone laughs
>wait i mean 8
>thats still pretty old
>which teletubby would you fuck seph?
>the baby sun
>wat

THIS

says he was on smoking a joint watching teletubies with his gf (COUGH COUGH pedo alert)

[Hazy]

"I love watching De Gea and his **** haircut struggle."

I see his random, irrational hatred of De Gea is alive and kicking. How anyone can consider that sexy quiff "shit" is beyond me.

"what are you talking about barfman? he's absolutely right. moving to chelsea was a terrible career move for Juan Mata. he jeopardized his future, his career, his spiritual health, his fitness, his development, and especially his overall technical skill. I'm shocked he even gets called up for the national team at all. To think he scored less than 3 minutes into his Euro cup debut is insane. He had potential, but playing alongside mediocre players like Frank Lampard, Ramires, Raul Miereles, Michael Essien, Daniel Sturridge, Eden Hazard, Marko Marin, Fernando Torres, Oscar, and Florent Malouda has completely jeapordized everything he could've been. Its a shame he was even called up to these Olympic games. If he just went to real Madrid or Barcelona like all his smart former teammates, he would've learned from the best, like Xavi, Iniesta, Pedro, Villa...but now he plays for some mid-table English club. pitiful. Oh well. He could've been a european champion, or a La Liga champion. But now he's forever going to be remembered as "the player who could've been" Kinda like Mikel Arteta. Oh well. *** happens right?"



Why the full names, every fucking time? Just include their middle names while you're at it.

[The Drunk IT Guy]

How come he doesn't come around these parts anymore? Tired of the ridicule and humiliation?

[tuna che culo]

he is busy with school apparently

[The Drunk IT Guy]

But still posts on the Gamefaqs board....

Sephi pls

[Renounced Redbird]

>be on xbox live
>me, skoop, sephi, pedro i think probably a couple others
>talking about tv
>sephi lets slip he watched teletubbies regularly until he was like 16
>everyone laughs
>wait i mean 12
>everyone laughs
>wait i mean 8
>thats still pretty old
>which teletubby would you fuck seph?
>the baby sun
>wat

Hahahaha

[Hazy]

QPR just needs a decent CB, and they can finally be taken seriously. Like. who is Anton Ferdinand? Yeah I know who he is...but he's just....mediocre at best. Championship level defender. QPR just needs to focus on spending their money on one half-decent brick wall of a defender (Huth/Mertesacker-esque) And they can consider themselves decent enough for a top 8 finish

Oh my.

One half-decent centreback can turn QPR into an ambitious top 8 side, according to auld Seph.

Not a keeper to replace the shambles they had between the sticks against Swansea. Not an entirely new backline to replace the three Championship level defenders and 21 year old Brazilian who's hardly played any competitive football in the past year due to injury. Not a brand new midfield to replace a no-name from a mid-table French club, an overrated Moroccan who hasn't had a good game in a year, or the 31 year old Korean who's so past his prime, he doesn't even resemble the same player who started in two Champions League finals. Not even two strikers to replace a psychopath who gets a sending off per game and Bobby fucking Zamora.

No, they need one "half-decent" centreback.

[Hazy]

This guy is retarded.

Just shut the fuck up.

[Mafewww]

I dunno if he's just playing on the fact that we know he's retarded..

Or if he is actually retarded and doesn't realise it.

I have no freakin idea

[tuna che culo]

Theres a reddit if you don't like this place. This isnt a football thread, this is war. If you're body aint ready, see yourself out.

There are five ranks:
Newcomer
Neutral
Troll
Admiral
and casualties


Newcomers are self explanatory. They get no respect, their posts don't get read. If they say something smart, they get cookie, if they say something stupid, they're considered "worst new poster". IT doesn't even matter how new you are to the board, because you coiuld just be here for years and never be promoted. Look at T3rra and Liquid for example, they've been around forever (relatively) and they are still being judged.

Admirals are the ones who judge who's the "worst poster". They think they're better than everyone, and quite frankly, they are. They all either have the most experience on the board, or just have a strong opinion of themselves. They are Gunner, Nard, Hazy, and Gothic. Deci is up there too, but he's a little more reasonable. They are the ones that can just call you a troll, or a genius. Their opinions are the only opinions.

Trolls are newcomers who post at least 3 bad posts, or admirals who get bored with their lives. Cheese, Sk00p, xbx and Greezy are trolls. Oh and Cheese is the best poster ever. No matter his rank, noone beats him.

Neutrals are the voice of reason. They don't do all the banter stuff, they just come on here and talk about the game. Sure they'll throw in a joke here or there, they'll cry foul everytime they're team is losing, but (mostly) everyone still just shrugs it off and accepts it. These are Connor, Bernie, Grevious, TwinBlade, JinJin, and Poke

Casualties are the people that come on here and either ask for advice about the game, or call us out on being off topic. Those people get eaten up alive. Casualties are also people who get so fed up with the board, that they just....leave.

[tuna che culo]

too good to ignore or forget

even if think the categories need work, or maybe you are buttmad over being forgotten, it is pretty fucking spot on

[Gunner]

probably his best post ever tbf

"chief admiral Sephiroth, dedicated to trolling Gunner_04, mafeww and Long December. inb4 Xbx and/or Nard bite, and call me out on "being an idiot""

lmao, implying he's "trolling" and that 99% of his posts aren't from his own stupidity and lack of football knowledge. also lol @ chief admiral, i thougth admirals had to be at least somewhat respected

[Gunner]

Needs a bump.

"I'm a Russia fan for European Competition
I'm a USA fan for all else (because I see them twice a season when they come to NY I've come to admire them)

But then there comes the point of confliction where I start to support Uruguay, France and Belgium. I go as far as getting emotional when the teams lose

So my question; is it wrong to support a national team you have nothing to do with? No connection to? Considering Internatipnal competitions are only once in a blue moon, I don't see the point at all in growing an emotional connection to it."

[Gunner]

"He also got game winners against Spain and brazil to give your nation some bragging rights for a month each

be happy"

[Gunner]

"I remember once upon a time, last season in the credits of a certain England International game, Two specific people said Eden Hazard was an overrated mercenary with no future, no limit to his arrogance, and no hope for any merit.

The two men committed to their opinion and went on to compare this arrogant mercenary to their marquee playmakers - saying he isn't any better than a certain generic Spanish Winger, and a talented Asian midfielder who came with much merit elsewhere.

Our antagonist - the immature mercenary went on to have a successful spell at his new home; to the satisfaction of his supporters - and at the expense of our two protagonists: But here he is now..from the bottom, to the top to the bottom and straight to the top again.

And here we are.. our antagonist is the second best midfielder in the leg....second to his own teammate, who was also wrongly - and unjustifiably- compared to the generic Spaniard in red.

Read it and weep. because our delinquent duo of protagonists is wrong again, and as in all situations where they are wrong (and its a little rare)...its hilarious.




Credits:
Generic Spaniard in Red: Cazorla
Asian midfielder: Shinji Kagawa
Best midifleder in EPL: Juan Mata
Second Best: Eden Hazard
England Game: England vs Belgium

Produced by:
Chelsea FC
Eden Hazard
Nard_Dog Industries (he needed some shoutout)

Dedicated To:
Our two protagonists

PS:
KK, i've been awake for the last 48 hours goodnight. I'm sorry in advance for anything. If this screenplay doesn't win an academy award or Post of the year F****"

[tuna che culo]

someone suspend gunner for too many posts in a row

[Gunner]

1. Its a team where players go to die. I've never seen a team where players get ridiculed so often. Ramsey, Santos, Arshavin, Bendtner, Denilson, Adebayor, RVP Nasri, Chamakh, Cole, etc... have some respect. Yes, some of them left for "Money", but a few titles later, and your statements are just immature. Get used to it.
2. You think the world revolves around your club, you're one of the top teams in Europe, and you're the best team in London...but the team has absoilutely no merit at the moment...
3. A top 4 position isn't considered silverware. We remind you that you have no trophies because you remind us that we have no history
4.Your fan base turns on Arsene Wenger twice a season, but starts praising him for his magic when you're on a good run of form
5. Money...you literally bring up money as a prime excuse...as if poor morale and lackluster decisions don't have any influence on your poor performances
6. You still consider the youth academy the best in England..ever.period.no questions asked...because you had one good era.
7. Every transfer market...I don't even know what to say, because I won't be able to elaborate enough...You guys are the worst during Transfer Window...you think players like Cavani and Villa would come to your club...just because you /used to/ be a top team
8. You Gooners vent your frustrations on Liverpool, Spurs, and Chelsea...I thought it was just this board, but it applies to every gooner I ever met. Its annoying. Every time any of the clubs falter, they become a laughing stock.
9. When your team loses, you say the starting XI was abysmal, and deserves to get relegated. When your team wins, you say they deserve to win the Champions League and each of the players should be in the World XI.
10. "Oscar? KDB? Ramires? They wouldn't make it on Arsenal's bench"1. Its a team where players go to die. I've never seen a team where players get ridiculed so often. Ramsey, Santos, Arshavin, Bendtner, Denilson, Adebayor, RVP Nasri, Chamakh, Cole, etc... have some respect. Yes, some of them left for "Money", but a few titles later, and your statements are just immature. Get used to it.
2. You think the world revolves around your club, you're one of the top teams in Europe, and you're the best team in London...but the team has absoilutely no merit at the moment...
3. A top 4 position isn't considered silverware. We remind you that you have no trophies because you remind us that we have no history
4.Your fan base turns on Arsene Wenger twice a season, but starts praising him for his magic when you're on a good run of form
5. Money...you literally bring up money as a prime excuse...as if poor morale and lackluster decisions don't have any influence on your poor performances
6. You still consider the youth academy the best in England..ever.period.no questions asked...because you had one good era.
7. Every transfer market...I don't even know what to say, because I won't be able to elaborate enough...You guys are the worst during Transfer Window...you think players like Cavani and Villa would come to your club...just because you /used to/ be a top team
8. You Gooners vent your frustrations on Liverpool, Spurs, and Chelsea...I thought it was just this board, but it applies to every gooner I ever met. Its annoying. Every time any of the clubs falter, they become a laughing stock.
9. When your team loses, you say the starting XI was abysmal, and deserves to get relegated. When your team wins, you say they deserve to win the Champions League and each of the players should be in the World XI.
10. "Oscar? KDB? Ramires? They wouldn't make it on Arsenal's bench"

[Gunner]

[Hazy]

I don't get that Gervinho shit but it makes me laugh

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